This Day in History

Saturday, August 1, 2009

VELVET

NOW THAT’S FUNNY
After six vodka tonics, Jerome was loose. Tonya wouldn’t be able to get under his skin tonight.
There she was, in all her glory, wreaking havoc on someone else’s life. “Ton-yah. Or is it Tone-yah? Doesn’t really roll off the tongue the way I thought it would. Congratulations Ton-ya,” Jerome gurgled. “I trust you received your package today?”
He made her sick. He knew exactly how she felt about him. She told him every time they were in the same room together.
“How you became superintendent still baffles me.” she scoffed. “You walk around so self-righteous, so perfect; always condemning those not walking in the right way. But I know your secret. You idiots will never learn. First rule of thumb: never let damaging information fall into the wrong hands.”
Jerome exhaled loudly. “Again. Did. You. Get. The. Package?”
“Of course. And I’ll continue to receive them as long as you’re still strut-tin’ your stuff. Maybe at the next big event, I’ll just introduce you as Madame Cleaves.” Her laugh was full, causing guests to look their way.
“You do that Ton-yah, and I’ll pull out a few of your skeletons.”
“You’re drunk Jerome.” She glared at Jerome’s face. “And stop rubbing those fat hands up and down your thighs. You’re making me queasy.”
“Drunk I am.” He moved closer to her. “And now that I see you in a different light, your wart seems much larger tonight. And your skin looks greener than usual.”
“Your childish insults don’t bother me lady.” She touched the rhinestone on her neck. “But I think you should know that your next package needs to be bigger. Significantly.”
Jerome sobered. His blinking intensified. “You must be out of your mind. I’m not giving you a penny more than usual.”
“We’ll see about that.”
*
Chuck took it all in. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
“Do you own a pair of diamond earrings?”
“I think I’d like to consult legal counsel first. Am I free to go now?”
Danica stood over him again. “You can do whatever you like. Look at me!”
Jerome raised his eyes and gave her his full attention.
“Before you go,” her tone was harsh. “Tell us what you wear around the house, you know, what Tonya found out. And you better not lie.”
He dropped his head slightly. He didn’t want to tell her, but she was his master, and he was falling in love. His response was barely above a whisper. “A leather bustier, G-str---”
Chuck held up his hand. “That’ll be all!”

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